God, I Finally Understand Hardcover – March 23, 2026

I Was Not Supposed to Be Here. History said so before I could speak for myself. My birth certificate labeled me as “colored,” a word later changed to “ Negro,” and eventually to Black. Each name reflected a different era, yet none fully captured who I was becoming. My identity, like the country I was born in, kept shifting before I ever had a chance to choose my definition.I was born in St. Louis, Missouri, but my journey quickly took me elsewhere. At just thirteen months old, I left the Midwest for the West Coast. Years later, when I returned, I began to understand what it meant to move between worlds—geographically, culturally, and emotionally. That movement exposed me early to diversity, but it also introduced me to prejudice, hardship, and experiences no child should have to endure including abuse.Those early challenges shaped me. I learned how to think on my feet because survival required it. I learned how to read people, situations, and silence. Yet, even then, I sensed there had to be a better way rooted not just in endurance, but in purpose. Pain taught me resilience, but reflection taught me wisdom.I was not raised with a strong spiritual foundation, yet spirituality found me anyway. Looking back, I was protected in ways I did not understand at that time. There were moments when I should have been lost, broken, or gone, yet I remained. I came to believe that angels surrounded me—watching over me, guarding me, even when I lacked the sense or maturity to protect myself.One of the hardest lessons I learned was that silence does not heal wounds or correct injustice. For too long, I believed staying quiet was safer. Eventually , life taught me otherwise. I learned speaking up—against fear, against pain, against the past—was not only necessary, but transformative.I am not supposed to be here. And yet, I am. Through every struggle and every season, I came to understand that God was always with me. My life was no accident. I survived for a reason and that reason continues to unfold. This story is not about where I came from, but about why I am still standing—and my voice matters. Read more